20th December - How My Fiancée Beat Us All

No, not with a stick or anything. No need to be calling domestic abuse charities just yet. But at the weekend, my partner and I went karting, along with my two sons, 'G' (the eldest), and 'T' (the youngest), and my Mother, Vicky. The competition was fierce, and we lined up on the starting grid in descending order of ability, with G & T spearheading the front two slots, Vicky in 3rd, myself in 4th, and Sarah in 5th. The rules were clear, 10 laps, roughly lasting 1 minute each, and the winner would emerge victorious.

Around the first corner, I noticed T's engine stalling as he pulled up on the side of the track by the tyre wall, raising his hand to ask for assistance. But this was no time for sentiment, and so I passed him swiftly to move into 3rd place. Next up was my Mother, who had been hogging the middle lane at snail pace throughout the first lap, and she was swiftly dealt with. By the time I had G in my sights, I made a swift manoeuvre past him and looked behind to see him now sat between myself and Sarah, who had surged up to 3rd.

I hoped he'd prove a real time-wasting commodity, making it hard for her to pass and allowing me some time to extend my lead as I raced ahead around Laps 1-4 at the front of the field. Midway through Lap 4, I looked behind to see a role reversal of the usual scenes in our relationship, with Sarah - who has easily batted G aside - now coming fast up MY rear. As she closed the gap on me, I used defensive driving tactics to make it hard for her to pass me on corners, before accelerating down the straights with vigour, now skidding round corners as our fiercely competitive battle intensified. Towards the end of lap 4, on the final corner, Vicky was once again trundling in mid-lane at a cool 7 km/h, and I had a split second to make my decision on lapping her. Pass or hold back? I chose to pass, knowing Sarah would do the same, and pulled up around the inside of Vicky on the corner, with Hakkinen's famous pass on Schumacher in my mind.

But Sarah, in a daring fit of zest, accelerated around the outside of both of us and performed a double overtake. As Vicky pulled in to take the corner on the inside, she shunted me out by a split second, enough for Sarah to pass, and for the remainder of the race, I was left chasing her tail. As she came to lap G and T, I was screaming at them to make it hard for her to pass, though through the roar of our engines, and muffled pads of our helmets, I fear they didn't hear. Eventually, Sarah held on, as I desperately attempted to close the gap, our final 6 laps showing little less than a few milliseconds between them on the final standings. G came in bronze on the podium, completing 7 laps out of 10 in the allotted time, whilst T was in 4th, with 6 laps out of 10. Vicky, who clocked up lap times at double the length of ours, trailed with the silver spoon, amassing 5 laps in 10 minutes. But after all, 'tis not the winning that counts, it is the taking part...

... Try telling that to Sarah and I, though!