9th October - STAGZ Chat




Some say men are disorganised, others say tonight represents the first time I've had any real wedding discussion with my stags, a full 5 months after getting engaged. Whilst the hens have been putting us to shame so far, with a comprehensive Whatsapp group filled with plans, suggestions, locations, and banter, tonight... We strike back in the battle of the sexes, refuting all claims of the critics that we 'couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery'. Though my actual stag party may contain a wider audience of attendees, I've started by assembling a real A-Team, 3 of my most trusted advisers, who know me inside out. This trio are the Carnage Mafia.... The Claude Littner, Karren Brady, and Tim Campbell, in this process. 

It must be admitted, at this stage, that the trio was originally a foursome. But much like Prydz turfing himself out of SHM before things really kicked off, the fourth musketeer in this scenario threw his toys out of the pram on account of not being given the nod for the best man role, and such dissent will not be tolerated in this Arteta-style regime. Team morale is everything, and if you're not on board with our ethics and squad philosophy, you will be loaned out. As the famous Arsenal once coined... "Victoria Concordia Crescit", aka. 'Victory through harmony', and that's how we will achieve our goals.




Tonight, at 8pm, we'll all jump on a Zoom together for the very first time and bounce ideas around for 2024's Party of the Year. There's much on the itinerary... Dress code is a key starting point. Groomsmen suits are a key component of the day, but do we opt for bow ties? Ties? Cravats? Which colour schemes, and which fit in with the Wedding's colour pallet? Choice of buttonholes? Shoe colours? Waistcoats? Accessories? On-site accommodation needs to be discussed, as does full entertainment. The DJ line-up for this one is - potentially - stacked to Creamfields standards, but now it is time to get some firm answers and finalisations. When people hear the name 'Jake Gable', they expect a certain level of party. The weight of pressure is real, but the people know - that on reputation alone - they'll never be let down. 




And then, there's our thrilling finale. Our ultimate climax. The STAG party itself. When will it take place? Hopefully close enough to the Wedding to feel like an actual Wedding-related party, but also far enough out to allow for any potential injuries to heal before the big day. If it's Vegas, or Ibiza, we need to think about line-ups... Pool parties, etc. If it is elsewhere, what type of activities do we fancy? Beer steins in Prague? The infamous sparty of Budapest? From this point in, I won't be involved in any of the stag planning, that job all falls down to my squad of best men. The best man himself often pays for the stag, but will such promises, delivered on a boozy Summer day in O'Neills, be followed through, when it comes down to it, via our very own oil-rich oligarch, Sheikh Messenger?

I only have one requirement for the chaos we're about to embark on... I wish to be fully embarrassed. Use me, abuse me, force yards of ale down me. Creative ideas centred around fancy-dress costumes for us all every evening, Jake Gable masks, ironic Pussay Patrol t-shirts, an inflatable sex doll with my future-Wife's face pinned onto it... You name it, I'm down for it. You only get one stag, and this one is going full Wolf of Wall Street. Following tonight's planning sesh, we'll have a clearer indication of where this one is headed. Though arranging suit fittings etc may prove tricky, considering my assistant manager in this squad lives 4,228 miles away. We'll find a way around such issues though, because we are STAGZ, and tonight....





... Is STAGZ chat! 



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