3rd October - The moments we live for...



In early 2019, bed-bound for 3 months and unable to walk after a pretty serious operation which included some complications, I - understandably - did a lot of deep thinking, and made some important yet brutal life decisions. Decisions which have shaped my life positively in the resulting years, but at the time, I felt unsure as to how they would pan out. During this time, I even flirted with the idea of keeping a daily journal online throughout the course of a year... I wonder what happened to that idea in the end?

During this period of soul-searching I would regularly ask myself what the meaning of life was/is, and the best I could muster, or at least the result which kept resounding in my mind, was 'the constant search for euphoria'. I realised that though 'nice' social settings like meals in fancy restaurants, or going to the cinema or theatre to watch a show, were 'civilised', they didn't evoke this sense of pure adrenaline filled bliss inside. They made your insides feel more like a content, gooey, warm and fuzzy pack of Haribo Tangfastics, rather than jolting shocks of electric and lightning bolts surging through your core. 




One of the very few things which can illicit that 'orgasm' type feeling inside myself, is the live music/rave industry. As I looked round me last night, 20,000 phone lights held up in unison inside the O2 Arena, forming a sea of bulbs, I was grateful for so many reasons. Firstly, for the moment itself... All I wanted in life 5 years ago was for the Swedish House Mafia to reform one last time. The idea of having them headline a big stadium like this, in London especially, was a pipedream when all we clamoured for was their feud to end, and a reunion to occur. But more than that.... 




... I was just so grateful for those around me. The decisions I made in early 2019, were decisions to not 'settle' any longer, for friends, for relationships, for anything. I was told by a former friend that 'We're all 9/10 but you're just 11/10' when it comes to effort, and being a loyal mate etc. In reality, I was a 9/10, but they were all 2/10. I chose to shape my life differently and only surround myself with those who are 9/10 too. Life can't be based on nostalgia or what you had in the past. It's who you are NOW that matters. The Universe has since put put people in my life who really are 9/10, even 10/10, and they were only directed into my life by yet another example of poor behaviour from a 2/10 who couldn't come through when it all mattered... Life is crazy, but it always has our back and will ensure us of a brighter future if we put the right vibes out. We WILL be rewarded, I have seen the proof of that. Last night, was simply...





... One of those exact moments we live for. 


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