28th October - My Fiancée's first time Up The Arse




Today is a special day. I'm taking the woman I'm engaged to be married to, up the arse, for the very first time. I love it. The smell wafting in the air, the excitement as you go down that tight tunnel, and the joy you feel as you get closer. This is actually a Christmas present from her, you see, and though she knows I'm looking forward to it more than she is, she's willing to give it a try because she knows it will make me happy. My first time up the Arse was many years ago now, I've been a fan since was 5 years old, so it was only natural that following the move from Highbury to the Emirates Stadium, us Gooners would take a little while to adapt. Ohhhh, you thought I was on about something else? No, no, no, we've got crossed wires here. We're going on a tour of the Arsenal stadium today! What did you think I meant?





She's never been to the Emirates, but I'm really excited to show her all the incredible twists and turns of what makes this place so special to me. The bridge leading over to the statues of Dennis Bergkamp, Tony Adams, and Thierry Henry, the club shop and museum where our Invincibles trophy rests, cementing our status as London's most successful club of all time, and - still - the only team to have ever gone a whole season unbeaten, on our road to Premier League glory. The only problem we might have, is that she comes from a Tottenham supporting background, and if the locals smell the 14 year trophy drought pouring out of her veins, they might attack. My last tour of the stadium was all the way back in 2011, and much has changed since then. The manager, luckily, being one of those. All in all, today is a momentous day... 




... The first time I ever take her Up The Arse.



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