16th October - Women & Furniture

Give a woman, any woman, enough spare time and they'll look round the house and think, "Yep, that needs moving". I'm not sure what it is, or why it is, but Women just bloody love rearranging furniture. Whilst blokes are quite content with keeping the sofa in the same spot for years upon end, there's something in the female brain, some little switch, which makes them go 'Okay, time to fuck shit up', every few months. Regular as clockwork.

Now then fellas, I must warn you... Timing is everything here, and they'll usually pick the exact moment you settle down to watch the match, or the first half hour of chill time you've had this week. As soon as that bum hits the couch, BANG, here we go! "I've been thinking we should move the room around babe"... Sounds familiar, right? Next thing you know, you're doing Twister in the living room as you contort one half of your body under a table whilst your arm holds up a corner of a chair, and you're balancing two mouse-mats on your head.

As if undeterred by the initial trauma of the 'rearrangement', the female, in all her beauty, grows MORE energised by such activities, observing other items in the room which are also now due a good shifting. Before you know it, you're moving mirrors onto desks, there are lamps hanging out of windows, and the cooker is on the ceiling. They say that only two things in life are certain... Death & Taxes. I beg to differ... When you sit down to relax on a Saturday afternoon and hear "I was thinking...", you can be sure, what you're about to hear, is related...

... To 'Women & Furniture'.