5th July - 'The Flood' (My First Ever Book)



As we draw closer to 10th July, in which my poetry anthology 'TEN' will be available for the modest sum of £10.10, I've realised that this won't actually be the first book I've ever released... And I use the term 'released' loosely, because, when I was 9 years old, we were asked to team up with a fellow chum in class, to work on the creation of a book titled 'The Flood'. We were simply given the title by our teacher, and then required to go away, with full creative freedom, and create the story which filled said pages. 




I chose to collaborate with Robin, a skinny yet nerdy young lad who had the somewhat bizarre USP of always wearing skimpy little grey-school shorts to class, pulled up high like he was from the 70s, even in the coldest months of Winter. Robin had a few peculiar traits, looking back, like how he'd eat his daily lunch from a metal tin, rather than a plastic lunchbox like the rest of us. He never had a drink in his lunch, either. Just one cheese straw from a bakery, every day, and that was that. I presume his Mum worked at Greggs or something. He also, somewhat exotically for the 90s when such things were rare, possessed a double-barrel surname, one of which was German, on account of his Hamburg-born Father. But Robin's most potent characteristic, was a never-ending love obsession with 'Lara Croft' from the Tomb Raider games. If he could've whipped his little pink Smurf's hat out and humped the pixelated images of her face in pages of 'PlayStation Magazine', I'm sure he would have, and sadly, probably did. 




But one thing we had in common, was that I was harbouring an equally psychotic fascination, with my 'first love'... S Club 7's very own, Rachel Stevens. I would clip out images of her from national newspapers or 'Smash Hits' magazine, and so, it was only natural that Robin & I decided that the basis of our story should centre around the 9-year old versions of ourselves, trapped in our school due to a crazy flood surrounding our classroom, alongside personified 9 year-old versions of our 'girlfriends', Rachel & Lara, though to make things inconspicuous, we altered the latter's name from 'Croft' to 'Weller', on account of the actress who portrayed her at the time in mainstream media, long before the Angelina Jolie years. The book, looking back, was the work of two lunatics, as we would consciously write 'fanny' and then cross it out and replace it with 'funny', and other minor acts of debauchery which are somehow hilarious to the under 10 age category. I'll be giving you full details tomorrow, on how to grab your copies of 'TEN', but in the meantime, please sit back and enjoy my debut gem...




... This is 'The Flood!'



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