17th June - A History of Birthdays

No talking, just porking. A life motto to live by. If you say you're gonna do something, you have to do it. And so, I'm here today. It's a fine way to spend turning another year deeper into my 30s, and tomorrow evening I'm actually headed to the infamous 'SPARTY', which is - as it says on the tin - an outdoor party, in a giant spa-pool, at night. I'm not sure what type of music is played but I've heard it's EDM, which completely warms my cockles if so. Talking of Birthday(s), I recently attempted to list my celebrations throughout the years, and could remember as far back as about '95...

95: 'Tea Party' in my Grandad's garden. There were hula hoops, and I remember playing with a bright yellow Aladdin football. One of those plastic 'floater' ones, which I'd wanted for ages. 

96: Went to Legoland with my Mum & Dad. Ended up driving a little lego boat down the river and they filmed it on an old JVC camcorder. Watched it back and chuckled at how bossy a young mini-me was.

97: Back to Grandad's for the Tea Party 2.0. This time with friends from school, including Sanjay, who sadly died of an asthma attack, aged 16 in 2007. We played 'wrestling' in the garden.

98: Went to 'the Wacky Warehouse' in Reading, a giant ball-pit structure with slides etc. Invited Adam Bertram from school, whose quirky personality trait was that he was originally born in Sweden.

99: Wacky Warehouse: The sequel! Looking back, I liked doing things in twos in the nineties, and this was no exception. This time, I went along with 'Jordy', a speccy Gooner who lived down my street.

00: Went to some sort of army show to watch my Uncle Derek play the bugle for the Royal Green Jackets. I played my Gameboy (Pokemon!) throughout. Later that night, England beat Germany in Euro 2000.

01: Back to Legoland (see what I mean about the sequels!), this time with Ben Chandler from school. Mum and Dad warned me to stay away from him after they spotted him shoplifting whilst there.

02: My ever-reliably Father was meant to take me out, but fucked it as per, so Mum & I ended up sitting on a local bench in the Sun, drinking a can of Shandy Bass, which excited me as I thought it was real beer.

03: My eyes were now opened to the teenage emporium of delight: The Pizza Hut buffet. I also went shopping round HMV later this day, spending my birthday money on 'LMA Manager' for the PS2.

04: Back to Pizza Hut! Followed by an evening of playing football outside with my cousins. England also kept to the tradition of playing matches on my birthday, stuffing Switzerland 3-0 at Euro 2004. 

05: My cousin, My Mum, and myself, ventured to the local cinema to watch Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. We had Minstrels, and shared a bag of those fresh cookies from the Tesco bakery. 

06: Finances were in short supply this year, so I was unable to really mark this occasion with any sort of event, but lucky for me, that wasn't to last long. Turning 16 meant I could now work, and earn a wage!

07: And true to my word above, on my 17th, I was indeed working, so came home in the evening and ordered a Shish Kebab. My Dad also surprised me with my first car, a beaten up Volkswagen Polo.

08: I actually had to sit through 2 x 3 hour A-Level exams on this day, what a way to turn 18! But as soon as they were done, I raced off to London to watch Craig David at the iconic Shepherd's Bush Empire.

09: With my 'Gap Yahh' now approaching a conclusion, I spent most of the day shopping for last-minute Uni bits, before retiring to 'The Red Lion' in the evening for an ice-cold drop of (now legal), lager. 

10: Plundered into the Student Union for a piss-up. I say 'we', there was meant to be a big group, but my housemates forgot to buy tickets and it sold out, so in the end it was just myself and my best mate Gareth.

11: Ventured to London with those who forgot to buy tickets the year before. Wanted to go to Ministry of Sound for the first time, but the others weren't keen on the idea, so went to M&M World instead.

12: Tried to round up the 2010 and 2011 group for a weekend in Bournemouth, but they all bailed, with one of them saying he had to buy a new tyre for his car instead. Finn came, and we went to Walkabout.

13: Started the day in Walkabout, and ended it in Pacha London. But in-between, a lad called Ben said he needed to go home for a 24 hour sleep to ease his migraine. That was the last time I ever saw him.

14: Watched England vs Italy in the World Cup with George & Matt in Brixton, followed by a typically messy pre-drinks session, and then got turned away from Ministry at 4am for attempted entry. 

15: Took myself to Paris and had the best time ever. Tried snails, went up the Eiffel Tower, slurped cold cans of Kronenbourg and feasted on hot croissants. Even took a bath bomb with me for the hotel room.

16: Las Vegas, with the 20th anniversary of 'EDC' kicking off on my Bday. We partied with Hardwell in Hakkasan, via arrival in a limo, and became fully-suited up Greygoose wankers with our own VIP corner.

17: Started the day in the 'Underbelly' on Southbank, and ended it in the Bavarian Beerhouse at Tower Hill. Stein after stein was sunk in lederhosen, in addition to the successful plonk of a giant Jagertrain.

18: Down to Winchester for the day/night on Friday, before returning for Bavarian Beerhouse 2.0 on the Saturday, via a quick squabble about the pre-drinks playlist when someone stupidly put some Beyonce on.

19: Another solo venture, this time to Prague. An all-time favourite trip which resulted in copious amounts of Czech Pilsner, a Bar Crawl with some fellow Brits on tour, and even a trip to Hooters. Oiiii oiii! 

20: Lockdown fucked the 30th, but this was the first day of the Pandemic that football finally returned. David Luiz put in a disasterclass, and I sipped my way through a luxurious bottle of single barrel Jack.

21: Perhaps my most enjoyable Birthday to date. Sarah blindfolded me and surprised me with a trip to my long-awaited bucket-list location of Harry Potter Studio Tour! We then went down to a Sunny Cornwall.