9th April - Are You Not Entertained?



You'll certainly not find a deep-dish here in Italy. Instead, it's all stone-baked sourdough, thin base, and luckily for myself, often topped with seafood, like fresh anchovies. I think most Italians would actually have some sort of epileptic breakdown if you were to show them a Chicago-Town style pizza. A crime against food, is how they'd label it. Anyway... After a lush opening night in Rome, it's off to the monuments today. I'll be donning my most garish tourist hat and wombling my pale British skin through this ancient City in search of historic artefacts. 

First up is the Vatican, which is, in itself, classed as a country. The smallest in the world, surely? The last time I was in Rome I didn't actually venture inside of St. Peter's Basilica due to a mind-bendingly girthy queue. I've learned my lesson this time and have booked online, though such is my clumsiness, don't be surprised to see BBC News and the such-like reporting news of a new Pope this afternoon, in true Eurotrip-style (see below). 




I'll also be taking in the delights of the Sistine Chapel, arguably Michelangelo's greatest piece of work, though I thought he also did a pretty cracking job in 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles', to be honest. This ceiling was apparently painted as an act of revenge on the architects behalf, as he believed himself to be 'above' painting, and so would 'humiliate' the Catholic Priests via his depictions on the walls. Maybe he crafted all the Roman statues, too, and that's why they've all got such tiny cocks?

Talking of cocks, it was apparently considered 'vulgar' and 'brutish' to possess an absolute weapon in Roman times. Those with large penises were considered 'stupid' and 'uneducated'. It's a tough one to choose, that. Which door would you be queuing up at during God's creation of Earth, given the chance? The one where he's dishing out brains, or dishing out choppers? For me, it's gotta be the former. But TikTok would have you believe it's all about the latter. I'll also be heading to the Colosseum today, and I have a slight confession to make... I've never actually watched the iconic movie 'Gladiator'. However, this certainly won't prevent me from standing within the centre of the arena and, much like the film, loudly declaring...





... "Are You Not Entertained?"

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