4th Mar - An endless stream of children

... Is not the new name being given to nocturnal emissions. But instead, what I was faced with this morning in what would've essentially posed as Christmas morning to Mr Tumble. You see, as any train approaches, you'll see an endless army of human mice, scurrying towards the doors in their daily rat race, gambling on which door will result in the smallest stream of exitees.  

Today, I went all in on red, and it was black where the silver ball rattled so drastically. Whilst others were met with 2/3 commuters stepping out onto the platform, my own chosen door was met with what looked like a seahorse giving birth. A school teacher, playing the role of the adult Horsea in this analogy, strode out first, with concerned look upon her face, and behind her, a queue of 6/7 year-old infants, so endless they presumably filled the contents of at least one carriage, jumped out as she barked orders at them to queue alongside the wall adjacent to the parked train. 

School bags, and coats-a-rustling, the infants - most likely on some form of school field trip - continued to birth themselves from the steel-clad womb of the National Rail apartment. With the platform now clear of all commuters who had, at this time, found a seat for themselves inside, I continued to wait patiently, and somewhat stubbornly by the door I'd originally chosen. The concerned look on the face of the train operative met my sturdy gaze, as we both rye-smiled at how the train, scheduled to depart a full 3 minutes ago, was now considerably delayed by such infantile disorganisation. 

Shouting out new numbers as she continued to verbally count the heads of each child now practising their karate moves in playful mood by the wall, the teacher - looking flustered and stressed - apologised to the warden, whose whistle was now pursed purposefully in her cake-hole. You may be forgiven, at this stage, for believing such misfortune to have presented itself in dream format, such was the wild nature of my subconscious yesterday. But this was, 100% reality. I will, however, leave you today with a few of my favourite dreams in my career as a human so far (below). 

There was also - infamously - 'The birth', where a giant bee, at least 6 foot in size, and plump, like a furry burrito, was birthed out of my anal canal (what a rhyme!), before laying next to me on a mattress, turning to me, blinking, and in human voice, declaring... 'Daddy'. Or 'The crucifix' where I physically dreamt death (apparently, you actually die in real life if this ever happens?), before dreaming of resurrection. At this point, the fans all have the same question in mind; Does this mean I'm the second coming? A messiah presented in human form...? 

... I couldn't possibly comment.