12th Feb - Ranking Turtle Bay's Cocktails

It's brunch time today, at the best place in the world, and so, I've decided to rank the cocktails in Turtle Bay, in order of how they're listed on the official menu:

Strawberry Daiquiri: 

Usually the best cocktail on the planet, not the case here - sadly - due to an influx of too much crushed ice and not enough diabetes-inducing sweet Strawberry syrup. 

Passion Rum Punch:

A strong contender, dark rum fused with the sugary taste of pineapple and passionfruit, topped with the bitter edge of a lime twist. 

Zombie:

This one will, fuck, you, up. A brutal concoction, brightly coloured via stunning red-to-blue-to-green gradient, focus on slurping these if you're in a hurry to intoxication-town. 

Kingston Solero:

One of the newest additions to the menu, and most certainly, one of the most addictive. Weak in terms of alcoholic content, but delightfully tasteful, much like the ice lolly.

Raspberry Reggae:

Grapefruit is usually a food reserved for the psychopaths of this world, but on this occasion, it works well as the sharp contrast to a sweet mix of berries and dark rum.

Classic Mojito:

I've never been the biggest fan of Mojitos, but the refreshing minty edge is a decent palette cleanser to some of the richer options on the menu.

Koko Kolada:

Perhaps the (curried) G.O.A.T of the TB menu, a milky blend of coconut and white rum is topped by a creamy froth. This one stands clear at the summit.

Grapefruit Fizz:

See above for my thoughts on grapefruit. Throw in the vile taste of aperol, and the equally disgusting buzz of Prosecco, this is undoubtedly the worst on our list.

One Love:

Cementing a spot on the TB cocktail podium, a unique blend of coconut, passionfruit and pineapple sees the 'One Love' surge into the silver medal position.

Spiced Julep:

I've never quite understood ginger beer. The heartburn-inducing liquid is the villain in this amalgamation between apple, mint and tequila. 

Rum Runner:

Banana liqueur is a sure-fire winner (anything banana flavoured gets my nod of approval, tbh!). Throw in some amaretto and you've got a real tastebud delight.

Tingaling:

Gin, grapefruit, prosecco.... This one is sure to prove popular amongst the Instagram boomerang crowd, but for true cocktail fans, this is nothing more than a damp squib.

Pineapple Daiquiri:

One friend remarked that this one tastes like handwash, and I'm inclined to agree. There's a soapy feel about the sweetness, and a lack of alcoholic edge.

Jamaican Wake Up:

Cold brew coffee is certainly an interesting addition to this one, but Tia Maria & vanilla save the day to take away the brutal bitterness of the caffeine. 

Marley Mojito:

Again, the inclusion of ginger beer here is baffling. Don't bother with it.

Reggae Rum Punch:

Fusing together Wray & Nephew with white rum, this is a potent mix designed to warm your cockles. A fantastic blend of taste vs edge. 

Montego Bae:

Another fresh addition to the iconic menu, lime, apple and pineapple give a nice zesty feel to this fruit-fest bonanza.

Bahama Mama:

I'm a big fan of the creamier cocks (steady!), and this one ticks all the right boxes.

Passion Martini:

Everything was going well here, until they added in a Prosecco shot. Take it without the cheap fizz to truly indulge in a delectable treat. 

Coconut Espresso Martini:

Can we please stop putting coffee in cocktails?

Mai Tai Punch:

A fresh and sharp drink, similar to the mojito in taste, but glad with a sweet twist thanks to a welcome injection of pineapple.

Coconut & Grapefruit Mojito:

The best mojito on the menu, with the sugary nature of the coconut blend taking away the bitter twist of the grapefruit flavouring.

Bajan Mango Punch:

The only one on the menu I'm yet to try, somewhat boldly infused by the famous Aunt May's Bajan hot sauce. Have you tried it? If so, let me know your thoughts...