7th November - Living With 6 Lads [LONG READ]

They say that if a friendship lasts longer than 7 years, it will last for life. That's according to leading psychologists at numerous institutions anyway. Don't believe me? Give it a Google. In many cases, that's true. But for such a dynamic to work, your hobbies, interests, and life goals, have to (relatively) align, too. If there are common factors which you bond over, removing one, or maybe a myriad of those factors, can prove problematic and damage the bonds you once had. For example, one of you might have settled down with a partner and a baby, the other might still be in their 'young and single' phase going out and drinking every weekend, and the other, might have chosen to pack their bags and move abroad. These bonds then become tougher to find common ground with that when you were all 20, getting drunk every night and sharing giggles over fornicating with losers. 

My closest friend, is one I've had for 13 years. His name is Gareth, and every morning I wake up to his jolts of nostalgia. Songs, moments, photos, or videos from our days together at Uni. References, stories, debates, or questions, often centred around the years between 2009-2012. He is, as things stand, the only member of our 'Uni house' who I still have regular daily contact with. Which is ironic, considering our once brotherly bond was punctured by a bubbling rivalry of testosterone during our peak adolescent years. A tension which pierced through the 'Zoo' of carnage in our semi-detached 6-bedroom pantheon of madness and refusal(s) to wash-up, all scented by the aromatic fragrance of six horny teenage lads, empty cans of Fosters, and the waft of overcooked £1 pizzas from 'Iceland'. In all reality, I believe our own friendship has stood the test of time through a shared interest in hobbies and passions, as mentioned in my previous paragraph.

Daryl, for example, was the black sheep, the ginger-headed introvert who would keep his pencil-shaped skull locked away in his bedroom for a vast majority of the time. We really tried to integrate him into the group, but Daryl suffered from a lot of social and mental issues, and harboured a deep-routed anger with the world, which stemmed from his inability to shake off his virginity via his somewhat pelican-sculptured facial features, and love of awful country/western music. Whilst most of us would prance around the living room together to the tunes of Avicii and Calvin Harris, Daryl knew that he was the spare part we'd roped in to assist with renting costs on a 6-bedroom property, in a gang of - what was, essentially - a group of just 5 friends, and a lodger. His only counter-attack to this was stock up his incredibly scrawny frame with double-carb meals, such as bowls of dry pasta and rice mixed in together, whilst watching BBC hit series 'Casualty'. Some, would argue, his presence was a casualty to the rest of us. His coupon of acquaintance expired shortly after that. We never saw him again following graduation, and rumours circulating around the grapevine suggest he returned to the Isle of Wight like a diseased homing pigeon.

Of all the others within the house, my friendship(s) with George & Lucas (no Star Wars pun intended) lasted for a solid decade or so post-Graduation. Lucas was a good notch above most of us when it came to the 'class' tiers. Supremely wealthy, Conservative, and overall, rather formal. Despite that, he was open minded for a laugh, and for many years, enjoyed fun outings with the rest of us, even though there was this very apparent air that he perhaps didn't quite enjoy the same music as the rest of us, but would attend regardless, to make the most of the social settings, which I always appreciated. George, on the other hand, was the most obsessive music fan in the house aside from myself, and our conversations would regularly centre around the latest DJ sets, tracks, remixes, and so on. This was a huge bond for us, and we would regularly travel to destinations to like Las Vegas, Amsterdam, Brussels, Stockholm, and... Ermm.. Milton Keynes, together, in pursuit of incredible memories to be made at festivals and events. Out of the blue, Lucas, who had gradually been growing more 'stiff-collar' in his adult years, decided to stop attending any dance events without any real explanation or reasoning, in 2018. My friendship with him then fizzled out. George followed, in 2019, making 'Tomorrowland' his final event, and consequently, I've not seen him since. I have huge respect for George, in fact there's a mutual respect between us, and that will always stay that way. No harsh feelings at all. But again, the common theme is apparent, that when the one big bond we once had together, was ruptured, the intensity of the friendship began to fizzle out. 

As for the remaining duo... Finn, was a lost soul, for a long time. From a similar background to Lucas, he would regularly downplay the stacked financial fortune of his upbringing to appear a bit more 'working class', and kept himself in the shadows for many years post graduation, skirting from one short and unsuccessful situationship to the next. He didn't involve himself within the same scene as us, and would regularly criticise artists like Swedish House Mafia, claiming he didn't know what we saw in them, or why we attended such nights. However, a spark in the 'future house' movement, led by Tchami, gradually brought Finn back to the light, so much so that he declared, at the ripe old age of 27, that he would be interested in attending such events after all. We integrated him slowly, first with a couple of low-key nights in Brixton, before I made it my mission to bring him into our Groupchat during a day at Twickenham in September 2017 and give him the support network of love and affection he so clearly craved. Finn told us he'd earned half a grand from his Father for washing his Grandmother's tiles (not a euphemism, but still not entirely clear on what that actually means), and decided to spend his newly inherited fortune on a trip to Miami with us, where his opinion on SHM flipped 180 degrees. He raved with us between 2018-2019, and then, post-pandemic, two more events in 2021, before announcing his premature retirement from the scene once again. Realising there would be minimal contact with him in future, due to this decision, our own friendship has now fizzled out again. Though, like George, I truly wish him all the best for future, and really - deep down in my soul - hope he can find the happiness he's so clearly yearned for, throughout the 13 years I've known him. 

And so, that leaves us with the final Otter in this story. Gareth, through a decade of living away in the Middle East, has preserved his friendship by almost being 'null and void' from such events. Even if he wanted to attend, it wouldn't be logistically possible given his geographical distancing. His own bond with myself has been once cobbled together through nostalgia, and certainly sport, though - surprisingly - never really music. His own tastes were always a bit more 'pop' than the rest of us, though in recent times he appears to have started edging towards 'the light', sharing Steve Angello tunes on his Instagram stories and buying into the hype of this wondrous wonderland we've been dipping into for the past decade. He's even booked tickets to his first ever rave, which is something I never thought I'd hear myself say, and who better to snap his EDM hymen than the Professor himself, Axwell, at MDL Beast Aravia later this month. Shared interests are the key formula to a future with any party. When I think of those I now associate myself with, my groomsmen especially, there is one key USP which crops up time and time and time again. Our shared love for the same type of music. Those are the people I want in my life going forward, because ultimately, that is the basis... The foundation... The ROCK, of our friendship. In many ways, living with 6 lads was much like the 'law of the jungle' where only the strongest remain. The runt of the litter was ejected first, and the remaining years proved a test of individualism. Even for those who have since left the Wolfpack, I applaud you and your courage to carve out the life you want for yourself and the future you seek in your own best interests. Nostalgia can't be altered, the past cannot be changed. Whatever happens in future...

... Those memories will always remain.