19th September - Professionally Bipolar

I've never been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, and in terms of regulating my emotions and mood, I think I'm a pretty stable person. I never lose my rag, I'm always relatively chilled and patient. But when it comes the world of professionalism, and my career, I'm definitely on this constant see-saw of mood based on my workload. The pattern seems to usually go that I work too hard, too many hours, take on too many projects, and soon feel exhausted/burnt out/stressed/anxious. At this point, I'm in 'manic' mode, frantically pounding the laptop at all hours to get things done. But this can only last for so long, and after a period of chaos, I slip back into a 'recharge' mindset. 

To take a day or two away from my screen. To have a 'boxing day'. The wish to escape from everyone and everything and just sit alone in a bath or an empty cinema screen for hours. Phone screen face down so the constant ping of notifications can no longer distract me or stimulate my already overly populated mind. I think being 'professionally bipolar' is probably similar to being 'non-professionally bipolar'. In my most productive periods, there's nobody who will work harder. I have schedules all time-framed and laid out hour-by-hour on a daily basis to achieve maximum efficiency and never miss a job. The to-do list is my most used 'note' in my phone, whilst there are also colour coded google docs and sheets. 

But - like a bad relationship - push me too hard, and you've lost me. My mind switches off, I need time away to 'reset' and I'm no longer emotionally invested in something which could have been a real passion for me just the week before. The key, I suppose, like everything, is to keep that balance, and to never creep close enough to one end of the see-saw, that it comes crashing back down to my alternative end. Life is never fun when lived in the 'middle' lane, but sometimes... 

... It is entirely necessary.