23rd August - The introverted extrovert

Interestingly enough, if you’ve never taken the ‘16 Personalities’ test, I’d urge you to do that straight away, as it’s entirely free and hugely enlightening, although I’ve spoken before in this diary about how much I love that test, and the way it has helped to liberate me mentally, so I won’t bang on about it any further. What I DO, however, find massively intriguing, is how my own results from such a test have changed somewhat dramatically in recent years. I remember taking the test in around 2018, the peak of my ‘Dog’ like powers, and I was scored as a 72% extrovert, and 28% introvert.  I can’t say I was hugely surprised with the score. At the time, I was the ‘leader of the gang’, in several gangs, swishing around social circles like a real butterfly. Loud, confident, 24/7 bants. It was relentless. 

I think, like many, COVID changed me. It taught me to appreciate the silence, and to feel humble for the peace. I suddenly started questioning why the television was on if nobody was watching it (like a real old codger) and became sensitive to loud noises or excessive abrasiveness. Being alone with my own thoughts was so much more soothing than some junk on ITV2, and this was even a pattern I’d noticed during my most extroverted of phases. I’d finish work, and then stay away from my house all evening until a time when I knew my flatmates had gone to bed. They worked shorter hours than me, and would regularly be hogging the living room by the time I got back on Summer evenings, curtains closed into a dim environment, TV on full blast, watching brash rubbish like ‘Celebrity Juice’, windows closed to form a weird sweatbox, messy plates and junk all over the floor and week-old washing up on the kitchen counters. I couldn’t take it. 

That was already, a sign of my inner introvert coming out. Rather than address the issue again, as I had shortly after moving in - but clearly to no avail - I decided to combat it. I’d head to the cinema most nights after work, and sit alone with my feelings and peace, whilst losing myself in a movie. By the time I got there after work it would be around 7.30pm, and if the movie finished at 10pm, I’d be home at 10.45pm, knowing they had a religious bed time of 10.30pm. I could no longer cook as none of the pots, pans, or plates I’d purchased for us all, were ever clean on account of their slobbish nature, and so I’d take up two schools of thought. One, the most likely, was that I’d grab a kebab, or a meal deal, or whatever, on the way home from the cinema every night. Two, was that during the hottest nights of the Summer heatwave, I’d pilfer a spoon from the office kitchen, pick up a tub of mint ice cream from the nearby Waitrose at the end of my street, and then come in, jump straight into the shower to cool off, and lock myself in my bedroom with the curtains and windows open, allowing a nice breeze to blow across my face whilst sipping on the refreshing minty juice whilst hearing the audio on 87 volume blast from the TV in the living room next door.

Since I’ve met my partner, my introversion levels have definitely increased. The way someone is will always rub off on you, no matter how hard we think we are independent in our thought patterns. Especially if you spend such huge amounts of time with them. It is human nature, in the same way we pick up a ‘sociolect’ when with friends etc. Who you surround yourself with, is what you become. One of the first things I noticed upon meeting her is how introverted she is, which is something she’s fully aware of herself (well, unless she’s had a drink… Then she dances on stage in front of thousands of people in Liverpool). My bright coloured or patterned ‘tech-house’ shirts were always frowned upon as ‘too garish’ (which might actually be her favourite phrase), and we soon found ourselves turning down social occasions to partake in much more chilled activities. The biggest change I embarked on was perhaps my sleep pattern. Whilst I was a 3am-11am kinda guy, she was much more of a 10pm-8am kinda girl. 

These days, if I get a phone call, I stare at it anxiously and let it ring out (word of warning, never call me, I won’t answer, message me instead). I tut and sigh the moment work suggest a Zoom to solve an issue which could be arranged via a maximum of 2 emails. I find ways to escape seeing people, unless they’re my absolute nearest and dearest (don’t worry Fudge/Lewis, I’d never make an excuse for you, sexy beasts). Small talk makes me feel irritable and uncomfortable. I’m much more of a deep conversation kind of person. Intellectual and stimulating debate tickles my soul-spot way more than any neighbourhood gossip or remarks on the recent weather ever could. The idea of visiting a ‘mainstream’ nightclub (anywhere outside of Ministry of Sound, Printworks, Ibiza venues etc) full of drunken morons makes me feel so incredibly anxious, then I start to feel physically sick at the very thought of it. Today, I took the test again. My results have now shifted. I remain on the higher side of extroversion, but not by much at all… 52% extrovert, 48% introvert, meaning I am most probably…

… The most introverted extrovert in the world.