22nd June - I'm Burned Out

I've had a wonderful month, truly I have. But by Sunday of last week, I felt - in my body - a feeling I knew I shouldn't, in my brain. After an incredible day of adventuring in the Budapest sunshine, I couldn't have been happier. I had the love of my life by my side, we'd been out for great 'Italian sandwich' (Italian, Greek, Italian) trio of meals across Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings to celebrate my Birthday, and concluded the events by attending an amazing pool party at the Thermal Spa. But come Sunday, I just feel broken inside. Like a light had gone out inside of me. A feeling certainly assisted by an extreme lack of sleep across Thursday and Friday evenings, plus an ear infection and nasty/relentless bout of diarrhoea (never trust the local when they say the tap water is safe to drink) which had drained all colour out of me by the early hours of Sunday morning.

But more than that, I felt like I had flu. Like a bus had trampled all over me. My motivation to even stand up was missing. It was one of the most bizarre feelings I've experienced. We stayed in our apartment, chilling, napping, and even ordered some food to be delivered in a bid to perk me up, and though - by the time we flew home on Sunday evening - I'd found an extra spring to my step, the feeling immediately set in again as soon as we got home. Monday was sluggish at best, but Tuesday, was almost a complete write-off. I tried to prevail against what felt like an eternal tide as I sat at my laptop, beavering away through my daily checklist of jobs for various clients, and each felt like more of a struggle than the last. I found myself taking zero enjoyment from an industry I've enjoyed my whole life. 

By Tuesday night, my mental state had dipped beyond repair. I couldn't even face taking a shower or going for my daily walk, instead I slumped back in my pyjamas and pondered on the fun of the Summer Solstice from my window. The catch-up call I had arranged with a close friend at 7.30pm even seemed like far too much bother, and whatever I tried to focus on (even the gentle and soothing animations of 'Peter Pan' on Disney+), my attention span was soon tired of within a matter of minutes. The first thing many may question is how a man who has spent the past 5 weeks in 4 countries and 3 continents can feel 'burnout' when the rest of us have been plugging away at our 9-5s. But what you don't see, via the happy sightseeing Instagram posts, is that my brain is truly relentless 

Even on holidays, I'm juggling various clients, glued to my phone to appease them all, with set daily structures and schedules in place, minute-by-minute all accounted for on various notes and spreadsheets to ensure my maximum productivity, and as soon as I fall behind by even an hour on one job, there's the dreaded 'tinggg' of my email notifications, "Hi Jake, just checking in on this one. We were meant to have it sorted by 2pm". Like all of you, I've got things going on in my life. Concerns over relocation regarding a new job opportunity, my own health issues and as of yesterday, a call from my Mother to discuss the deteriorating state of hers, then there are the hobbies and projects which I - sometimes stupidly - set myself. Challenges to keep pushing myself which I must then adhere to by certain deadlines, and what others see is only the end result, but never the hours and days or months of relentless preparations or rehearsals. Gladly, I'm now mature enough to provide my own remedies. Sleep is usually the basis for such change, with every morning bringing an improved mood than the state of my mindset the evening before, no matter how bad the situation.

Today, I chose to take control and bring my own motivation back. To renew my energy by waking with the Sunrise creeping into the room, to perform productive household chores early doors to tick-off my to-do list and power up that 'cleanliness is next to Godliness' hype which is a naturally wired psychological condition where we, as humans, feel happier about things in general, once our homes are tidy/clean and in order. A fresh yet cold shower followed, and a morning exercise routine. Washed down by a fruit smoothie and a couple of Weetabix. Returning back to the U.K after a period of travelling around is the most depressive feeling imaginable. Suddenly, you're lumbered with the reality that your day-to-day life is nowhere near as fantastic as the escapism which can be offered by a plane taking off to a new land. But what I, and we, must accept, is that it is this 'grind' every day, which allows the latter to be possible. In the same way I always feel a bout of depression after my Birthday every year, realising that the celebrations and attention are forlorn for another 364 days, I have now also found the cure for Burnout. This is a condition which can impact us all, so if/when your time comes...

... I implore you to research today, to know how to deal with the future.