17th April - 'Picky Tea'

I kind of keep forgetting it's Easter. But last night was definitely warm enough weather for the first 'picky tea' of this year. If you're unfamiliar with the concept of a 'picky tea' (as most non-Brits reading this will be), the idea stems from a traditional British upbringing in which your Mother - during warm months - would often declare herself too tired/lazy to cook dinner on hot days, and would instead propose a 'picky tea' in the garden. For as long as I've lived on Planet Earth, I've sadly not lived in any sort of accommodation which possesses a garden, but it was something I'd fortunately experience during childhood visits to my grandfather's house. 

Anything over 19 celsius (us Brits are easy to please!) and that was it, kitchen door open, into the back garden, onto the white plastic chairs, parasol up, and out come the plates and glass jars of condiments. So what kind of foods would you expect on a 'picky tea'? Well lettuce is a staple, and perhaps some cucumber and tomato. You can throw some beetroot in if you feel exotic, or my own personal favourite, red onion. Talking of the onion family, I'm also rather partial to a spring onion or two. 

Now it's time for protein. Ham is there, obviously. Some opt for the Bernard Matthews Turkey Ham stuff, the wafer thin variety. But I'm more into those slightly thicker circular cuts with the crumbed yellow rim. Next you're gonna need some cheese. Standard cheddar is fine, but you might want to think about a Babybell, too. Don't forget the boiled egg, either. An essential component in any 'picky tea'. 

At this point, it's all looking rather colourful and crisp, but you're gonna need something to wet it up. It's time to turn to 'the big three'. First up, coleslaw. More of a creamy than a tangy/crunchy, ideally. Perhaps a slathering of Heinz salad cream. And of course, the big dog himself... Branston pickle. (The brown one please, the yellow one is for psychopaths). The last thing you'll need to complete this work of art is a dusting of crisps. Pringles are probably ideal for this meal, as you can also use them as an auxiliary spoon to scoop up any leftover condiments. Most flavours are fine, but to maximise your enjoyment, you should be choosing sour cream & onion. 

Happy Easter!