28th Feb - 'Life is to be lived outside your front door'
I met up with a former pupil of mine today, a woman who has taken a great deal of inspiration from my teachings, and for that, I'm forever grateful. Sometimes, when it comes to mentoring others, you're - bizarrely - unaware of the impact you're having. You live in this 'bubble' where you're so focused on what you're saying and the wisdom you're passing on, that certain quotes or sentences never quite 'stick' in your own sub-conscious, but to others, they do.
The woman in question is somebody I've built a good personal relationship with over time, thanks to her mature emotional intelligence, and a similar mindset to myself. She's endured various struggles through life, with her own daughter battling a life-threatening disease since birth, right through to her current age of mid-20s. With a life expectancy of around 40, you'd be forgiven for believing these two women adopt a fairly gloomy outlook on life, but far from it. They've both learned to embrace the positives and focus on 'getting on with it' rather than wallowing in self-pity.
Whilst confessing to how refreshing and 'knowledgable' she, and her peers, found my teachings to be (flattery will get you everywhere!), we conversed on our own lives, our relationships with our partners, and our children. During this conversation, my phone was buzzing in my pocket as my youngest son continued to pepper my WhatsApp with humorous emojis and messages, and I explained to her that I felt any good parent-child relationship begins with, first and foremost, an intense friendship. We conversed on how an element of balance can make a huge difference because all children will 'experiment' at some point or another, but - for example - allowing your teenager a tipple of wine/beer with family meals at home, is most likely a fantastic route into avoidance of cider-swigging in the local park at night.
Above all, the former-student 'fessed that one particular nugget she'd taken myself was a quote which surprised me. Establishing a reputation as a master of English, I've perhaps also unknowingly, gained some sort of influence in philosophy through life experiences, and I'd once told her that, "Life is to be lived outside your front door, not inside it." This particular quote has stuck with her firmly, especially in encouraging her daughter to venture into the world and gain all the life experience she can. Though she may not be with us a decade from now, she's keen to live away from home, to study for her PhD, and to further inspire those living with her disease.
My quote had centred around the idea that a house is a group of bricks and water, clumped together to provide you with a warm enough place to sleep. To recharge your batteries ahead of more adventures, but there is no memory you'll make inside your walls, which you'll remember in future, or can compare to those amassed when outside of that door. With this in mind, the majority of hours in our day should be spent in non-home environments, using our beds as a brief pit-stop, but regardless of living in an apartment, bedsit, mansion, or even tent, our belongings and possessions are items which perish in a way our experiences never can. We ended our chat with my protege recalling a recent conversation she'd encountered with a close friend who had moved into a new home and felt nervous about inviting friends round due to the untidy nature of the property, the renovation work needed, and her lack of material items. With my own philosophy still fresh in her mind, she assured her pal with the following sentence...
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