25th Mar - Ohhh Shit!

Your brain automatically read that title in a tone which only you dictated to yourself, and consequently, you might think you have some sort of idea where this diary entry is headed... But you really don't. You see, the 'Ohhh' was to be moaned, 'When Harry Met Sally' style, because new research has concluded that the term 'poo-phoria' is a thing. Here's the catch, though... The sensation is only available to the male community. Different plumbing n'all that, on account of the ol' prostate gland. 

You see, God, in a bizarre twist of fate, famously condemned homosexual behaviour, but then placed the male G-Spot, up the Gary. Go figure. With this in mind, scientists have now concluded that men are capable of experience an almost-orgasmic like feeling when defecating, if the log is shaped in a certain manner and manages to hit the right spots. After all, it's not about the size of it, it's about what you do with it. The revelation, which has left many repulsed, is perhaps an explanation for why so many men have felt an immense satisfaction during this task over the years, often taking newspapers (or now, iPhones) in with them, and setting up camp for a lengthy, and immersive, experience. 

Dr Anish Sheth, a gastroenterologist from Princeton, who has co-authored a book called 'What's Your Poo Telling You?', says the key to feeling 'poo-phoria' is caused by passing a particularly stiff (steady!) stool. When the movement distends the rectum, it can stimulate the vagus nerve, the same area which can be massaged to achieve orgasm. Sufficiently grossed out yet? No? Good, I'll continue. "The experience can be like a religious revelation," added Dr Sheth, before continuing... "To most, it feels like a small orgasm. Or to many, like a cross between both sensations. This is usually accompanied by a drop in heart rate and and blood pressure, and can actually become an addiction to some as it decreases blood flow to the brain!" So the next time your boyfriend slips off to the khazi whilst scrolling Twitter, turn that TV down... 

... And listen out for a little groan of joy.