12th Jan - Spring Rolls & Suicide



Why is Chinese food so delicious, and yet there are so few overweight Chinese people? That's one of my general observations/sweeping statements which I'll never fully know the answer to. Much like "Why do we itch?" and "What if Oxygen is actually poisonous? But it takes 70/80 years to slowly kill us?". I guess the notion that the majority of Chinese people are small is a stereotype, but the way Asian culture is built entirely backs up the point. Seats on transport, space within houses, restaurants, and even portion sizes, cater not just for slighter folk, but the more vertically-challenged, too. The average height of a man in China? 5 foot 7". The average height of a man in mainland Europe? 6 foot 1" in the Netherlands. An extra 6 inches might not sound like a lot (feel free to debate that one with your girlfriend), but that's an entire meatball marinara difference!

Likewise, when it comes to abdominal girth, China's percentage of obesity in regards to their total population is between 5-6%. To put that in context, the United States (unsurprisingly) bloat their way to the summit, at a staggering 36%. Whilst the United Kingdom sits - lethargic and breathless - at 25% (men) and 29% (women). Funny enough, of the 10 lowest countries for chub-per-person, 7 are situated in Asia (Vietnam, Bangladesh, India, Cambodia, Nepal, Japan, and South Korea). And so, with that in mind, please explain to me how countries capable of producing chow mein, crispy duck, massaman curry, pad Thai, and salt 'n' pepper chips, are rocking these Magic Mike abs, whilst I sit in a bland country famed for starchy beige-coloured slop, and I'm counting my spare tyres but don't even own a car. 




Clearly, 'tis one of the greatest mysteries of the 21st century. Elsewhere, a few of my closest allies chose to confide in me last night, to declare feelings of sadness, both for their own individual and respective reasons regarding certain situations. There's a certain privilege associated with becoming the ham in a 'grief sandwich', because on one hand, it's reassuring to know that loved ones can view you as an open and non-judgmental source of confidence, but on the other, this should be the absolute minimum we come to expect as human beings... That at least one ear in this world is constantly ready to ingest any feelings we need to pour into it. 

In the past few years especially - potentially spiked by the death of Avicii and other public figures - mental health issues have spearheaded into primetime consciousness and any increased awareness surrounding topics like suicide are always welcome. But we've also seen it used in a 'cheap' way on occasion, brands making token gestures to appear caring, but scratch beneath the superficial nature of such a marketing ploy, and a lack of authenticity is often seen lurking at the surface. (Barclays recently came under fire for switching their logo to a rainbow flag during Pride month, leading LGBT activists to ask why the backing of the queer communities wasn't a 24/7-365 movement). I want to let anybody reading know, that truly, from the bottom of my heart, and as somebody who has experienced feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts in the past, if you need to talk about anything at any time, I'll do exactly that...




... But not in the next 20 minutes though. 'Cuz there's leftover sweet 'n' sour chicken balls in the fridge, and I'm about to inhale the fucking lot of 'em. 


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